Reclaiming Identity | Boudoir Photography in Suffolk
Sometimes, the way you grew up and the way you want to live your adult life become painfully at odds. The expectations of your culture or religion, or even just your family, can become way too heavy to live under. I have some experience in this myself; my parents were not in favour of some of the decisions I made in my early twenties. In fact, when I decided to become a boudoir photographer, my dad kindly suggested that I should join the military instead (we were at war?!). Years later, even though I was objectively successfully and offering boudoir photography in Suffolk, London, New York, Paris, and other exciting destinations worldwide, as well as maintaining a business in London, they were still referring to it as “my little photography hobby.”
After more than a decade of business, international recognition, etc., they occasionally still ask, “So, are you still doing those photo shoots?”
No ma, I’m an exotic beekeeper. *eyeroll* Honestly, what do they think I do all day lol?
Anyway, the point is, you have to make the big life decisions for yourself.
The process of forging your own way is rarely one moment though. It’s ten thousand small choices, each one with it’s own string of guilt, freedom, shame, rebellion, empowerment, etc. I know I’ve spoken rather lightly of a career path, but many of these expectations are super heavy and come with really weighty consequences. I know a bit about that too. Sometimes, stepping away means losing everything, and it might not even feel like a choice you’re making – just the only option you can live with.
This session was a little bit about the journey of untangling yourself from the expectations of others – the ones they say out loud, and the ones you’ve swallowed without realising it.
Elaxana’s shoot: boudoir photography in Suffolk
This is Elaxana, a stunning British South Asian woman with a gentle vibe and a show-stopping smile. We chose her home in Suffolk as our shoot location; a comfortable, easy setting perfect for a first time shoot.
Here’s what she had to say;
“I’ve been raised to believe my body didn’t belong to me; my body was always for someone else, something else. My puberty ceremony (samathi veedu) when I was 13 years old had marked me as the familial mannequin carrying all reputation. I could never fully say that my body belonged to me for so long. I felt it was important to grab that control back and claim my own body for myself. No more living as a parents’ extension, no more audiences and critiques. No more judgments, no more monitoring, no more sticking to certain body shapes and numbers. To this day, that ceremony haunts me because I’m remembering how I had given up all freedom, all independence, all basic needs and emotions to look like this ‘good girl’ that I never wanted to be. It marked the ban of being an average person forever. It marked never having a form of identity of any kind and any growing individuality was completely wiped out.
Doing a boudoir photoshoot meant saying goodbye to people pleasing, goodbye to the “what will they think/ say?”, goodbye to approvals, goodbye to prying eyes and hands, goodbye to nosy aunties and lurking uncles, goodbye to honour and “good name”. I very badly wanted to flip the narrative and have my own version of facing womanhood for the first time, by myself, ever.
I thought being a woman meant being plagued with issues and bad words. I thought being a woman meant getting yourself trapped under a man good or bad in the name of marriage. I thought being a woman meant being an ongoing sexual object. I thought being a woman meant being the strong one at all times, to the point where you’re numb to every pain possible. I thought being a woman meant submission, obedience, voiceless, emotional shackles and chains.
I’m so relieved and glad at how wrong I am. I don’t have to put up with issues and bad words constantly. I don’t have to be with that person if I don’t want to at all. I don’t have to act or pose myself as a sexual being if I’m not interested. I’m allowed to be weak, fragile and vulnerable. I’m allowed to have emotions, a voice, mind and body for myself.
It’s such an honour to work with women like this, because I feel an uncanny sort of sisterhood with them. I’m not from a South Asian background, nor a Muslim or Orthodox Jewish one, but I was raised in a high-demand, high-expectation, (and let’s be honest, low-key cult) religion. It had something to say about every single aspect of my life. So when I meet women with a similar background, I get in a way most people don’t. If you know, you know!
I’m not saying boudoir photography is always the answer, but it’s certainly a dark horse. From the outside it looks like adult dress up, with fancy lingerie, great makeup, stilettos, lights, cool locations, etc. And it is all those things. But under the hood, we’re casually chipping away at generational trauma and inherited body shame in a way normal therapy just can’t touch. No need to take my word for it though, have a read through previous clients’ testimonials instead.
Home boudoir photography in Suffolk: my favourite images
Elaxana’s partner sorted wardrobe for her, and we had a lovely, relaxed shoot at her home. She wanted to keep things simple and feel like herself, and I think we did that and more.
Although I think they will never look at this spare room quite the same again;)
A champagne wrap like this is a fab addition to any shoot wardrobe, especially if you’d like something that feels elevated but comfortable. Go for silk if you’re thinking investment piece, otherwise, a satin one does the same job and is machine-washable.
If a better boudoir prop for a shoot like this exists, I don’t know about it. Aunties everywhere clutching their pearls.
When you’ve got skin like this, it’s no clothes, no problem.
And a little colour for good measure.
Elaxana, you really inspired me. Thank you again for your courage and such a beautiful shoot.
If you grew up with lots of rules and expectations, or you were made to feel like X or Y thing dictated your worth, could a great boudoir session help you shift those beliefs?
Who owns your body? Who decides the way you see yourself? Who is writing your story?
I promise you, it is not about vanity or rebellion (well, maybe a touch of rebellion if you want!). You deserve to be who you want to be, in whatever way you see fit.
And don’t worry, all sessions are treated as strictly confidential unless you tell me otherwise. If you would love to do something like this but you don’t want the aunties to know, I’ve got you;)
Please get in touch anytime, I’d love to talk you through it all and see if it’s a good fit.
xx
Stormy